Quick Descent

self portrait, 20" x 16", oil on panel (in progress)

This painting has been a good learning experience for me. Two of the most prominent lessons I have learned are that turpentine, by itself, is not a good medium for glazing and that I'm not very accomplished at predetermining what color will result from glazing.

Last night, this painting spun out of control for me.
In the last few days I had been working to model my face in the shadows using Burnt Umber, part of which is still visible. The farther into the shadows though, the poorer the modeling, however. Part of that I felt was due to the increased area covered by the same pigment (Burnt Umber) causing that side of my face to flatten out. I knew I needed to use something darker to push that side or elements of that side, back farther into the painting.

I started last night by "glazing" the background with Burnt Umber in an attempt to darken and unify it. The effect was marginal. Then I attempted to fill the lit area of the background with color. I started by using Cerulean Blue with Cadmium Orange (to darken) and, of course, turp. After filling the area, I wondered what the heck I just did as it looked like rotting flesh. I then mixed Cerulean Blue with Flake White and a touch of Cadmium Red and covered it over, this time without turp.

I didn't like how things were turning out, so I decided to quit at this point. Before I did however, I thought I'd just darken the shaded side of my face a little while I had some black mixed up. With the brush I had used to "glaze" the background, I began to push that side back. The turp in the mixture quickly dissolved the modeling I had worked so hard to create. I tried to save it, but I was too late. In frustration, I covered the whole area with Burnt Umber, cleaned my brushes, got some Ben & Jerry's and turned on a movie.

It's the Journey

self portrait, 20" x 16", oil on panel (in progress)

Returning to my self-portrait, I began by thinning some Burnt Sienna with turp and covering the shaded portion of my face again. I tried to dissolve the hard edges of the Ultramarine blue comprising the darkest shadows in the process. I like the warmth, but it still needs to be darker.

Using Transparent Gold Ochre (which I've never used before) and turp, I covered the deepest violet areas. My hope was that this complementary hue would deaden the violet, which I believe it did. I then covered the lighter violet areas. In this case the underlying violet served to deaden the overlaid yellow, which just made a med-dark brown. The violet and brown reminded me of that peanut butter with the grape jelly in alternating stripes. This wasn't my hope.

On a whim, I used the same Transparent Gold Ochre on my face in the transition between the shadow and light. The yellow mixed with the underlying red made a nice orange. I probably should have used Burnt Sienna instead, but this could work out. The light area of the face will actually be opaque and drawn into the transition area. So it all might work out in the end, where the yellow in the flesh, warms and darkens with the orange as it falls into dark warm shadows... or I might just have to paint over it. As I said, whim.

Then I tried to mix the color of the lit wall on the right. I made two different browns, ended up mixing them together, adding violet, then Flake White and came up with what you see. Had I known that's what I was going for when I started, I probably wouldn't have gone the same route, but sometimes it just works out that way. Regardless, I covered the area and drew it into the shadow above my head. It's not a good transition, and the bad photo makes it worse. Ideally I'll make it a gradual transition from the well lit right to the dark center with some indication
of the light even behind the left side of my neck - this should help pull my body forward from the wall while making the wall appear to be one surface driving back into darkness.

Nothing I did here was terribly exciting. Little of it will be readily apparent in the end. I caused a few problems that I'll have to fix and didn't really achieve anything that stands out as a good bit of painting. And despite the fact I don't like how it looks now, I'm pretty happy with how it's all going. Why? I think it's just because I'm painting, and (for me at least) this is what painting is like.